Group Protests Play: Not Gay Enough

RM403 - The East Borough Presbyterian Church announced late last week plans to protest Valet High School for performing a play.
“Valet High School’s production of the Larry Project, or whatever it’s called, is evil and should not go unpunished. As a result, God faxed us instructions to protest at Valet High School.” Spokesperson for the East Borough Presbyterian Church, Jesus McGod said earlier.
“We’re excited to have some support in our long slog against the Goode administration.” Kiyae Alleghieri, editor of the school newspaper, The Spotlight, said. “We’ve been saying for years that God hates Valet high school, and it’s good to have another group agree with us and support our cause.”
Valet high school principal Dr. Goode responded calmly, merely stating that the Spotlight would no longer be getting school funding, and that McGod could go to heaven. She also muttered something unrelated about getting the debate coach’s head on a silver platter.
The police department released a statement earlier today confirming reports of a protest outside the school. According to the statement, Spotlight staff and East Borough Presbyterians plan to protest outside the school during performance of the Larry Papers.
The Larry Papers is a production about a college student who gets killed. The kid was gay. The play picks up right after the kid’s murder and follows the trial of his killers through to end.
“The Larry Project, or whatever it’s called, is a terrible publication that shows our children that killing gay people is acceptable and common. It is a handbook for any wannabe queer killer on how to defend yourself in court.” McGod said. “The East Borough Presbyterian Church has vowed to protest every production of this play to remove it from school curriculum. This play is most definitely not gay enough! It is a tacky, cheap bit about killing innocent men and women whose only mistake was wanting to have hot, passionate…ummm…anyway…”
The Larry Papers has always received fire from Gay Straight Alliances for being too straight and bigoted against gay people, however, the authors insist that the point of the play isn’t to promote tolerance of homosexuality.
“The Larry Papers is about love and tolerance, it’s not just about the gays!” Moses Gayhater, author of the play said.
“Really the entire thing is pointless.” random guy off the street Nick Manna said. “I mean, who cares about the play, it’s getting so much coverage here, but it’s being performed by, like, a hundred other schools too…What about them guys? What about them?”

By: Ronaldo Waldo