British Man Forms Own Country

KENSINGTON, UK – Robert Livingston, British national and patron of the Bacchic Bar, declared his independence from the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland late last night; Mr. Livingston claimed the perimeter of his flat on 17 Bond Street as the new borders of the Republic of Zugzwang.
“Let my people be free, o mighty enchiladas! Under my new republic, there shall be liberty, peace, and domo-kuns for all! Hurrah!” Mr. Livingston said at a press conference held this morning. “Those commie Labour people! Glad to be rid of the lot of them, I am.”
This latest development has troubled politicians all around the world, who fear the political repercussions this action may have.
“We have no idea what this tiny, rogue state may harbour,” Kofi Annan, Secretary-General of the United Nations said. “Mr. Livingston has threatened many nations with thermonuclear warheads, biological agents, and hordes of demonic, winged monkeys. This situation will have to monitored carefully.”
President Bush issued a press statement as well regarding Zugzwang, in which he said, “Mr. Livingston’s seeming ‘genocide’ against alcoholic beverages, and his brutal execution of them, in which they are digested by stomach acids and enzymes, will not go unpunished. If Mr. Livingston does not stop these terrible actions, America will have no choice but to invade his tiny, rogue nation, and liberate its oil.”

By: Winston al-Marik
British Bureau Chief